Living to Desire
by KiahTrickster
Summary: Toni and Van are starting a life together. Toni's still adjusting and Van is settling into something comfortable, safe, warm and loving. They both learn to love, and live in desire of the other. A journey of ups and downs as their relationship progresses. M for a reason
1. Chapter 1

Toni hid her smile as she tucked her surprise out of sight, tonight would be fun. She wandered downstairs, Van worked long hours and she knew her lover needed to relax. It was nice to be finished before her, Van liked sweet little gestures, they weren't her thing; but then she really hadn't had anyone who appreciated them before.

She knew Van wanted a relationship, her lover wanted stability and commitment; but she'd been hurt too. They were friends first and that counted for something; at least she hoped it did. The longer they were together the more she relied on Van it was nice to come home to someone.

The door closed with a click and she smiled, Toni checked the pizza in the oven; it was nice to have someone to cook for again. Hands skated over her waist, she stood and let her body rest back against Van's.

" I missed you today. Nothing in the hospital today?" Van's hands skated over her sides, and Toni sighed; it'd be nice to just hole up for a while.

" Nope." She worked in the hospital regularly but had made a point of reducing her hours there; things were still a little rocky there. Though Mallory wouldn't be making an issue of it, not now that he knew she had the mask. " How was your day?"

" Over, thank goodness. Mhm, I want a shower." Toni smiled as Van's lips pressed to her neck, she turned in her arms.

" Company?" Tori's hand slipped down to pull at Van's scrubs.

" I'd like that." Van backed up and pulled Toni with her, she saw a playful light in her lover's eyes.

Gently she stripped her lover, brushing Van's hands away she pushed the woman into the shower; laughing at her groan. Toni stepped in behind her and hugged her from behind; kissing the back of her neck. " I've got a pizza in the oven, you are going to have to wait to get lucky."

" Sure your getting lucky tonight are you?" Van turned and grinned, pouring soap into her palm.

She glanced at her for a moment and took the soap from her; lathering it in her palms before smoothing it over Van. " Yeah, I am, I got us something."

"Mrhm, really?" She grinned as she skated soap over her lover's body.

Toni leaned in and kissed Van's cheek, then turned her under the flow. Van's head tipped back against her shoulder and she watched her enjoy the hot spray. The soap washed from her body and Toni shut off the water, pulling Van out of the shower with her ignoring the groan.

She wrapped Van in the towel and then herself. " Pizza first."

It was much later that she lead her lover towards the bed, sharing sweet kisses as one ridded the other of their clothes. Toni sighed as Van slipped the button on her jeans, she glanced down as the jeans slid down her body along with Van.

Her hands slipped through spiral curls as Van's hands ran up the back of her calf, pausing at the knee; one leg draped over her shoulder. Toni groaned softly as gentle kisses peppered her thighs, she looked down to find Van looking up at her; eyes warm with desire.

" Can I have my surprise now?" Van's fingers teased her through the thin fabric of her panties before pushing herself up; knocking Toni back onto the bed.

"Agh." Toni let out a strangled gasp as the last bit of fabric was pulled from her body; her lover lay over her. Their bodies pressed together as their lips met and Toni's hands slid around her back.

Slowly she pressed Van back and reached for the toy, they hadn't tried before; but then she was adjusting to something new. Van was patient with her but she wasn't sure if she was pushing a line. " If you don't want to Van we don't have to, I just thought it might be fun."

Brown eyes were the size of saucers and Toni felt very awkward. " What exactly are we supposed to do with that?"

" Sit on it." She laughed a little, her response had been similar the first time she'd seen it.

" Please tell me you didn't buy that thing when you were still chasing the blonde." Van sat up, relaxing a little.

" No, no I didn't never got that crap back, I left it in the bar that night."

" Toni, I don't know that I want to play with that; at least not right now. You know the books don't matter, we just do the things we like; just relax. Come here." Van held out her arms and Toni lay back against her, a hand tracing easily over her breast. " See I know you like that."

" You know they had a bigger one, it was a joke…"

" Toni, you know if you want to ride it you go right ahead; I'll just watch." She felt her toes curl as Van nipped her neck.

" No, I don't want to, I, I want to watch you; touch you." She felt the hand at her breast still, and took it moving it slowly up; over her heart. " This is a weird time Van, we got a weird start to our relationship. But.."

Toni broke off a moment, pulling away she had screwed it up at first; she had hurt Van. " I'm sorry I hurt you and sorry for risking your job; I was trying to figure something out and…"

She looked into Van's eyes, and brought her own hand up to cup one that came to rest on her cheek. "It's hard to come out Toni, we've moved past that; I don't even care anymore. You mean more to me than a friend at work boss."

" I know, I know I want you to stay with me, I want to be together; to believe we have a chance to make it fifteen years; but I don't know. I don't want to hurt you or push you." Their eyes locked and slowly their hands linked, Van held them up between them.

The contrast of their skin tones, Van's firm grip, it was so new; something she hadn't known before a few weeks ago. And even then ignored, they'd been friends, and that had somehow made it off limits; until it wasn't.

" You haven't hurt me, you haven't pushed me but I want you to trust me." Van pushed her back, once again trapping her on the bottom. " Accept the little things, enjoy them and if you want try something say so; but we don't have to try everything. And if you want to see me ride that damn thing you better get me ready."

Her heart thudded audibly for a moment, there was something thrilling about the permission to touch her; it was almost as erotic as touching her. " Have you, um.."

" Spit it out Toni, have I used a dildo; yes. But I usually wear the strap on; not ride it."

" Have you ever ridden it?" Toni rolled them, taking a moment to look at her.

" Yes. I have."

"Oh, I forgot you used to be the womanizer."

" Reformed now, and happy to stay that way. I barely got back into circulation again; lucky me. Now where were you?" Van's hand drew hers down and she smiled. " That's better."

She smiled and leaned down, their lips met gently at first, slowly; their tongues battled for dominance. One hand between their bodies stroking Van, the other tangled in her hair." You're sure Van?"

" Shut up Toni." Van rolled them and grinned, settling her hips against Toni's; her girlfriend was adorable.

But frustrating, Toni was a rookie but there was something very satisfying about knowing she was her first; maybe her only if it worked out. A part of that though was keeping Toni relaxed, her lover tried so hard, it was sweet but not always.

Letting herself relax over Toni she trapped the brunette's hands, her forearms rested on either side of the woman's head and she played with short waves of hair as she kissed her; feeling her relax. Eventually she slid a hand down between them, easing her body down to follow.

She heard her lover's moans, felt her body rolling up to meet her ministrations; feeling Toni's hand's knotting in her hair. Teasing her she felt her going up, Toni's thighs slid over her shoulders. When soft gasps slipped from the woman beneath her she untangled them.

Pulling Toni up the bed she propped her up and reached for the dildo; Toni stopped her. She watched as it was thrown off the bed. " Some other time."

Raising her eyebrows she allowed Toni to pull her onto her knees; and up until she was straddling her lover's face. A groan slid from her throat and she lowered herself down to the sweet pleasure. Toni held her in place and Van whimpered, feeling the pressure build inside her.

Finally she slipped over and Toni let her go, Van settled beside her; holding Toni close. They fit together again slowly, savoring each other for a long moment.

" Van I want you to stay."

" I was planning to." She wasn't going anywhere any time soon, her body felt like jello.

" I mean I want you to move in with me, permanently. I want to be together; always." She rolled up on her hip, eying Toni, their relationship was still new; but it was sincere.

She had waited long enough to even learn that she had a chance with Toni, and then at the start; there was no question. " I'd like that."


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a long day and Van was relieved to get home, it was still weird to live with her. They kept their relationship out of work and so far the Mallorys had no desire to spread it around. Coming home to Toni though was a system adjustment, at work they were friends; at home they were a couple.

She had a key, her things were mixed with Toni's and it had only been a few weeks; she'd never moved this fast in a relationship before. A part of her wanted to slow down, hold back and see if it would last, but another part of her trusted their friendship would last out.

They could laugh together, tease each other and work together. Toni understood the stresses of her job and she knew the ones of her lover's. Living together was another thing, at work there was the separation of professionalism; at home there wasn't.

It was still Toni's home though, at least she told herself that; Toni had raised a child here and found herself here. Then she had lost her child here and that had taken a piece of the woman; it was a pain and a regret. It was shared now, Van cared for the things that hurt Toni, cared that she was comfortable in herself.

She hung her jacket in the closet and threw her keys on the hall table with Toni's, looking for her girlfriend. Her shifts were longer and she always came home to Toni; it was nice in a way. She smiled as she found Toni on the couch, curled against the end completely engrossed in her book.

She glanced at the cover, it was another book on lesbianism; Van rolled her eyes. Toni had read just about every book on the planet; including the freaky ones. Snagging the book out of her hand she threw it on the coffee table and sat down next to her lover.

" Please stop reading those, you aren't doing a research paper." Lifting Toni's feet into her lap she let her shift so they were facing each other.

" I just want to know, it's interesting." Toni gave her a sheepish grin and Van shook her head; it would take time for Toni to relax and truly accept herself.

Picking up the book she turned to the back cover and read it, coughing subtly; Toni was running out of reading material. " How about you leave the freaky ones on the shelf?"

" It isn't that weird, just a different take." Toni snatched her book back, probably a smart move; she had issued a few threats towards the more risqué of them.

" Next thing you're going to tell me your just reading it for work." Van pulled at Toni's socks, and thew them on the floor, Toni's back arched as she rubbed the soles of her feet.

" C'mon Van, I'm just trying to figure things out."

" People have been trying for years, just don't change yourself to fit some stupid lesbo image. I don't want a butch poser for a girlfriend. I know how you really are." She watched her girlfriend squirm as she tickled the bottom of her feet; Toni could think she was as butch as she wanted.

" That's not fair, you've always known, I'm still trying to figure it out; just stop." Toni was trying to get a grip on her wrists but Van kept tormenting her.

" I don't have to see another one of those books, promise me that and I'll stop you know more than a freakin' motivational speaker."

" Fine, fine. Please stop."

Laughing Van let her go and Toni tucked her feet underneath herself so as not to get caught again. Toni dropped the book of the end of the couch and she hoped they were done with it. " Do you want to go into the city tonight?"

" Need a drink?"

" Or more than one."

" What I'm driving you to drink? That's not a good sign." Toni laughed, her head fell onto Van's shoulder; she knew it was a joke.

" No but its been a long week, it'll take more than some annoying books to drive me to drink." She kissed Toni's cheek, she didn't want this relationship to fail; she was ready for more than a few months and different people.

But she knew Toni was only beginning hers, and was in a sense right. There had been times when she questioned her sexuality but not really about whether or not she was straight; it was more who she wanted to know.

Van was comfortable with herself but that had taken time, and acceptance. Her parents never had been able to accept it, but her brother had and her friends had; that made it easier. And in that she had found places to be open about it and others where she simply didn't mention it one way or the other.

For a while it had been nice to play across the board but now she wanted to settle down, to find someone to spend her life with; be happy with. There was also something distinctly satisfying about being the first woman Toni had been with; it was interesting to see her grow.

Van was pulled from her thoughts as Toni pulled at her, spinning her around on the couch; being pulled into Toni's lap. " Compromise, take out and quiet night at home, you can drink all the beer you want."

" I'll take it."

" I wasn't finished, there may be a backrub in it for you." Toni's hands slid over her thighs and up her sides; Van let herself be pushed back.

" That'd be good." Snagging Toni's pack of smokes off the table she pulled the ashtray closer. She took one for herself and one for Toni.

Toni grabbed the ashtray and Van raised her eyebrows as it was set on her stomach. Toni leaned back against the end of the couch, Van's hips still in her lap. It was comfortable and she relaxed.

" How was your day?"

" Good, new client, not too complicated its mostly in his head." Toni's arm extended to knock of the end of her cigarette; Van fought the urge to laugh.

" Isn't it always."

" You know what I mean, its more fear than psychosis. It's easier, though I don't have Ricky anymore; which is surprisingly nice."

" Heard anything from him?"

" I doubt we will, he'll end up in the system down there before too long." Toni shook her head and Van laughed a little, the young man was troubled but his stunt had come out some time ago; she wasn't going to be bothered if he didn't move back.

Toni had already lost her son, she didn't need a client to remind her of him; Van knew she needed to move on. She just needed some support. " What are we going to do for the weekend, besides sleep; I'm never going to catch up on sleep."

" Do you want to unpack some more of your stuff?"

" Or we could be lazy and rent a movie; that crap can stay in boxes." All that was really left to unpack was her office stuff; and there wasn't really a room for it.

Toni's house didn't have an office per say, they could make the spare bedroom or her son's into one; but she didn't want to push the issue. It had helped enough just to get Toni to stop dressing in his clothes.

" We could always go shopping." Toni liked to dress more casual, and some of her clothes were incredibly housewife; she understood why her son's held appeal.

" That too but I don't want you living out of boxes here; I want this to be your home. I know it hasn't been long."

" I'm at home here Toni, don't worry about it." Van put out her cigarette and when Toni did the same she put it back on the table.

" No, I, I want to do this; I want it to be permanent." Toni's hands slid over her body, confidently and possessively; Van smiled. " I'll pack up his stuff tonight."

" Leave it for the morning, I'll help. We're permanent now." She took her hands lightly, and sat up; sitting in Toni's lap. " Relax tonight."

Their lips met lightly, cupping Toni's cheeks, her lover tasted sweet; a subtle smokiness didn't bother her. Toni's hands ran through her hair, it was gentle and nice as she shifted their positions; one hand pressed Toni forward.


	3. Chapter 3

They had cleared out the room today, Toni had mixed emotions, she was saying goodbye to a part of her life; one that shouldn't be gone. But he was and he had died without knowing something very important to her.

But Van needed space too, and they had set it up as a joint office which was nice; Van had hung his photo above their desk. That was important to her, her girlfriend wasn't trying to push her but was behind her; had waited for it to be her decision.

Hitching the towel tighter around herself she dried her hair; following Van into the bedroom. She had let her girlfriend do the heavy lifting, but that was mostly because of someone's insistence. It was coming back to bite her now Toni knew as Van flopped across the bed.

" Tired?"

" Yes." Van turned to face her as she sat down beside her.

" You should have let me help."

" You were going to put your back out with how you wanted to lift." Toni rolled her eyes as Van rolled over, her towel slipping a bit. "Anyways, somebody needs to take care of you."

" I don't need to be taken care of." Toni retaliated, trying not to be distracted by the curve of flesh revealed; she knew it was soft and supple.

It drew her attention and Van noticed, laughing at her but making no move to adjust her towel. " Sometimes you're too easy."

" Not fair, I'm the rookie."

" No your just horny." Van was laughing and Toni felt herself blush a little; she was right. " I'm only going to let you get away with calling the rookie card so long."

Taking the edge of the towel she flipped it open, exposing her lover; chocolate skin contrasted the white towel. " So teach me."

Her fingers closed lightly over Van's breast, lifting it and rubbing the nipple lightly, pulling her closer she watched her eyes. Van let out a soft gasp as she tugged at it lightly and Toni grinned; sliding her knee between Van's thighs.

" You don't exactly need teaching, more like a leash." Van gasped as Toni continued to tease her breasts.

" Afraid you'll lose me to a blond hooker? Don't worry I learned that lesson and learned it well; I'll stay home." Toni gave her a moment of relief to respond, but she really didn't want to move away from the sweet torture. " I'll always come home for this."

She groaned when Toni nipped at her again, pushing a knee roughly against her. " More like you need to stop reading freaky stuff I haven't even heard of and asking me if its normal."

" I want to try some things, play with you; some of them sound interesting." Toni rested against her, she didn't mind the weight over her hips; especially not when that hand kept working.

" If it's the freaky stuff as much as I want you to continue that hand better move. What's wrong with nice and simple?" In truth toys weren't really in her comfort zone, she'd had girlfriends who liked a strap on and had worn the things for them; and on occasion taken them. It wasn't her favorite thing, even if she was willing to try.

" My hand can move but I want to talk about this." Van groaned as the hand slid down between her legs, finding a sweet spot. " You're so wet."

Van groaned, lifting her hips slightly, trying to get the pressure she wanted. Right now she didn't really want to talk, wrapping her arms around Toni she whimpered knowing it would distract her lover. And it worked as Toni began to stroke in and out of her forcefully; sucking at her eagerly her mouth occupied for the moment. " That's so good."

" I want to do more to you, I know I can." She groaned desperately as Toni stopped to speak, her hand stilled and she pulled away; leaving Van in agony.

"Please Toni." She begged as Toni crossed to the closet and rummaged through a shelf.

" Will you let me try it?" Her lover held a dildo, at least this one was normal sized; not the surprise she had managed to escape a week earlier.

She closed her eyes but nodded, she needed some sort of contact now; just about anything would do it. The bed gave as Toni came back to her, she opened her legs obediently and was rewarded with a gentle stroke; she groaned happily.

Toni's hand stroked her, spreading her moisture around and teasing her clit; Van moaned happily. She felt the cool plastic against herself and tipped her chin up, she didn't want to watch. " Ssh baby, I'm going to go slow; it'll be good."

She could hear the excitement in Toni's voice, this was a turn on for her and Van could take that. It pressed forward, stretching her open, and she waited for the thrust that went to far. But it didn't come, Toni pulled it back and pressed back in a little more pushing up; she heard her lover gasp.

Fisting the blanket in her hand she wasn't sure it wasn't going to ache, but what Toni was doing felt good; hitting all the right places. Her groan came on slowly, swelling in her chest and hissing through her teeth as it was buried to the hilt; it felt good.

" Van." Toni spoke her name softly, the dildo deep within her the woman looked up at her; eyes burning. Van pushed up to her elbows, looking down to see the end of it sticking out of her; Toni's fingers moving it carefully. " Lift your knees."

She did as she was told, and Toni's knees slid under her thighs until their core's brushed; her lover forced her hips down until she felt the pressure against the phallus inside of her. " You need to strap it on for that."

" No." Toni's pussy pressed to hers, Van reached up for her breasts and locked her legs around Toni's hips; she was right but it delicate.

They moved slowly together, Toni rode her, rocking their hips slowly and Van tried not to writh as every movement shifted the object that filled her. But it was so good to watch Toni too, what ever contact she was getting was working.

Her own orgasm was close but she held on, feeling the movements within her getting faster; Toni was on the edge too. Stroking a nipple gently she arched up; Toni loved being teased. The change brought her own orgasm on and she pulled Toni down on top of her.

Van's hips arched up as Toni's weight fell on her but she clenched desperately around the intruding dildo and held her lover tightly; it felt really good. Toni's knee pushed under her as her lover sought her own release pushing it deeper in even as aftershocks rocked through her.

Her chest was heaving as she reached down, finding her lover's point of contact and pulling her open; increasing it just a little more. Toni yelped as the stimulus hit her clit directly and Van held her hips firmly with her own legs; watching her go up.

Toni curled against her, like a satisfied cat as Van felt moisture run from her; she held her close. Gently rubbing her back she shifted Toni to the side a little bit, reaching to slide the dildo out of herself. She tossed it to side, they'd deal with cleaning it later; and pulled Toni back over top of her.

" Sorry I should have done that." Toni mumbled softly, still limp from her own release.

" You can clean it. You got that move out of one of those books didn't you?" Van allowed her knee to slide back between her legs and there was a satisfaction in being pressed together.

" Not so sure you want to take them away now are you?" Toni grinned at her, Van's hair was still damp but was messed and her nipples pebbled between them; Toni knew she had liked it.

" Oh I still think you've read enough but that felt better than I thought it would; better than it has with a toy before." Van admitted.

" Maybe it helps that I've had a man, I know what not to do." Toni kissed her cheek gently.

" You go ahead and think that, I'm not complaining. But lets talk about how far you want to take this." Van caved and she started to open her mouth; only to be silenced with a kiss. " Later."

They stayed twisted together for a long time, kissing sweetly and talking, it was something treasured with Van. They could talk after sex, hold each other and laugh or cry and anything in between. Van never rolled away to sleep or immediately got up to go and do something; they had time to share.

Much later they had both got dressed and both stood in the kitchen, working side by side, she felt a hand slide into her back pocket and Van pressed against her for a moment; she felt a shock of electricity run through her. Van's touch excited her, it was something she had missed so long and now couldn't live without.

A casual brush, or a playful smack; they could relax and play just as quick as they could stick together to help each other. She liked that, it was comfortable and it was safe. She glanced over in time to see her lover take a sip of beer, Van refused to drink the wine that she preferred; they just fit and it was right.


	4. Chapter 4

It had been a long morning and Van was relieved that it was lunch, at least it meant a break. She had kept her relationships secret at work; but then she'd never been in a relationship with someone she worked with. And while it wasn't prohibited the fact that hers had been nixed so cruelly made her cautious of some people.

Especially the Mallory's, she'd essentially stolen Ralph's fiancé and being a woman did not help any. Having both of them in her wing of the hospital all morning did not help. This morning things had gone relatively well and she'd avoided them as much as possible.

Van snagged a table to herself and sat down to eat her lunch, just relaxing for a moment. She could handle stress, worked with it every day; but this was an awkward personal and professional mix. She couldn't leave it at work or at home; and Toni was treading cautiously around.

They both deserved to at least work in peace, though Mallory had enough of a reason not to let them go; it was a pressure. She hadn't figured out quite how to do it, she needed to remain where she was, the job was paying off her student loans.

She was thinking and poking at her food when a tray was set down opposite hers. Van looked up in time to see Toni sit down, instinctively she glanced over to where the Mallory's sat, it was partially habit and part reflex; they used to joke about them.

Still did outside of work but she had started snagging her breaks when she could be pretty sure they were somewhere else. Toni broke her train of thought again. "You're not having a very good day are you?"

"It's going to be a long day, and its only Monday." She rolled her eyes and went back to nibbling.

"What's going wrong?"

"The Mallory's are on my floor, just feels awkward. There's something going on."

"Its new equipment, I think they have some benefactors touring through; showing off." Toni rolled her eyes. "Probably taking them through in shifts. Don't worry about it."

"Rather hard not to." She met Toni's eyes feeling a little calmly for a moment before they both laughed. "I better get back."

She picked up her tray and moved around to leave, Toni caught her arm. "I'll see you at home later."

Van smiled a little as she went back to the floor, there was two hours before the Mallory's came back and everyone was happy to have the breather. When they were around everyone knew they were being watched and while they were mostly fair; no one wanted to piss of the bosses.

She spent most of the afternoon doing paperwork and rounds, which kept her out of the way. When it was time to leave she was one of the first ones on the way out, she wanted an escape. A night at home a drink and a stupid movie sounded about right.

Toni was going to be a little late tonight, she had some meeting and that was good. Usually her girlfriend got home first, but not tonight and Van planned to have dinner ready. She was considering the things she knew to be in the fridge as she walked out.

She was on the side exit of the hospital, mostly just staff parked in the back, when she heard an argument; and glanced up in time to realize she was coming up on it. It was Mr. Mallory and another man, ducking her head Van prepared to veer around them as fists were thrown.

The younger man had hurled his fist with a string of curses, Mallory was on his ass and Van really wanted to keep walking as the other guy started to jump on him. She got involved, she wasn't that big but she wasn't easy to push around either. "Hey."

She pulled they guy off Mallory and braced herself to get hit, but he swung and missed; they both went down the stairs. She felt her leg twist underneath her as a stinging pain ran through her shoulder; she kept a tight grip on the guy.

"Bitch." He hissed as she didn't let go, pulling herself up to sit as security rounded the building.

She let go of him as security hauled him up, and winced; reaching to rub her shoulder. Mallory was staring down at her silently from the top of the stairs she looked away. "What the hell did you do Van?"

She turned to see Kim, the head RN from her floor and smiled just a little bit. "Got my ass kicked apparently."

The nurse offered her hand and Van grabbed it pulling herself up and gasped. "You've messed up that leg now haven't you?"

"Apparently." Van groaned testing her weight; her left ankle was more than sprained

"C'mon I won't make you go sit in emerge. Did you hit your head?" Kim's arm wrapped around her waist and she let her leg hang; it killed to put weight on it.

"I don't think so, I didn't lose consciousness."

"And we both know that doesn't mean you didn't hit it. What did you do to that shoulder?" The older nurse had moved off emerge after nearly twenty years, Van knew she could assess a patient in under a minute. "Hadn't you had enough today Van? Had to find yourself another mess to clean up."

She just nodded and was about to cry when she was finally boosted onto an exam table; her leg was already swelling below her knee. "Damn it I just wanted to get home. Should have left him to his own."

"You got a girl waiting for you?" Kim grinned as Van felt the color drain out of her face; the other woman laughed at her. "I've known for a while Van it doesn't bother me. Our social groups overlap more than you know. Those pants are toast."

"I was hoping to beat her home." Her cheeks heated as the nurse cut her scrub pants up to mid-thigh and began to work her show off. Van gritted her teeth, it hurt a lot.

"I won't tell, I promise but you need to have this x-rayed and set; I'm going to get Dr Holdens. Sit tight for a moment and I'll look at that shoulder it' starting to bleed a little bit."

She just nodded her mind spinning, Kim had known, how many others knew? At least Kim wasn't a gossip; her choice wasn't something that she wanted on the hospital grape vine. Dr Holdens came in and as Kim looked at her shoulder he poked at her leg; she tried not to whimper as they manipulated her injuries.

"It's broken Van, what did you do? I saw you an hour ago just fine." He gave her a reassuring smile and she wished she was dealing with people she didn't work with. "I know your uncomfortable but we'll get the scans and then I'll numb you out to re align it and set the cast; let's hope it's a clean break."

She just nodded and the question was directed over her head; Kim spilled it. "Got in a fight on the side stairs, pulled a guy off Mallory and went down the stairs with him."

"Mallory?"

"The other guy, if Mallory landed on her we'd have a Van pancake. She's a little shocky but I think that may be embarrassment." Kim rubbed her back and Van just kept her head down; her night at home was screwed.

An hour later she lay on the exam table as they set her leg; she'd managed a tib-fib break on a flight of five stairs. She wanted to kick herself, she should have just stayed out of it; not to mention Kim had warned her Mallory was lurking and he was the very last person she wanted to see.

When her leg was encased in a layer of plaster from the knee down she was allowed to sit up and Kim helped her with a pair of new scrub pants. The jerk had bit her hard enough to draw blood and she'd had a couple shots as well as a couple injections to take to prevent infection to take over the next few days.

"I'll give you a ride home Van, we'll make sure you get some time off; don't rush back. C'mon I got Holdens to distract Mallory; I know you don't want to see him." Kim helped her balance on the crutches, she was still a little tipsy from the pain meds but she moved beside Kim.

"Thanks." Van maneuvered into Kim's car, wishing it was a little higher.

She gave Kim Toni's address hesitantly; the older nurse gave no sign as to whether or not she recognized the house. "Are you alone?"

"No, she'll be home soon. I know the rules."

"And yet you don't always find them as they apply to you, don't pick any more fights I want you back on the floor soon." Kim laughed at her and waited while she got out of the car and made her way to the house.

Van waved, encouraging her co-worker to leave, she was ready to be mad at herself. She was lucky Toni wasn't already home, as it was her girlfriend was going to freak out; especially when she found out what it entailed.

She'd no sooner decided she was going to wait for Toni before she tried to get up the stairs than her phone rang; she didn't know the number and cut it off. She curled up on the end of the couch and fought her shoe off, she'd been packed full of meds so she couldn't even have a drink.

Leaving one crutch by the couch she made her way slowly into the kitchen, as long as the leg was numb there was no reason not to use it; even if she should stay off it. Van was moving a little slower and cooking for her, Toni liked her comfort food but it wasn't her favourite; tonight it would probably be tolerated.

She poured Toni a glass of wine when she saw lights in the driveway; at least supper would be done within a few moments of Toni's arrival. Her girlfriend however was pissed, the door slammed behind her and Van wanted to hide as her name echoed through the house. "Van, where are you?!"

"Kitchen." She winced, putting the glass of wine between her and the oncoming woman.

"Why are you on your feet? What did you do?" Toni looked her up and down. "Sit down Van. Now what did you do to yourself?"

"I'm okay Toni I promise, I made supper; wine. I can't drink tonight; they packed me full of drugs." Van offered the glass of wine again, hoping to get Toni to relax. "It's not as bad as it looks."

"I got a call from Ralph; you stopped his father from getting beat up outside the hospital? Why are you still on your feet? Sit down Van." Toni pushed her back towards a stool and she winced a little. "Van what else?"

"Nothing it's not a big deal, here I'm sitting down okay?" Van dropped onto the stood and gestured to the oven. "I made dinner and you can pull it out."

"Mac and cheese. Van you are feeling sorry for yourself, babe you should have just curled up on the couch." Toni pulled out the casserole dish and set it on the counter.

"I can't have a beer so I figured I may as well keep myself busy." Van shrugged and reached for Toni. "Don't be mad at me, I didn't want to just watch and walk away."

"I'm not really mad, I just was surprised, I left the meeting early and stopped at the hospital to get you and you were already gone; you scared me Van." Toni sighed but did step into her arms, Van kissed her cheek.

"Kim gave me a ride home; she dragged me back into the hospital and patched me up."

"She also helped you escape Mallory." Van just nodded and Toni just relaxed against her, Van was going to play it down as much as she could but when Ralph had called her; her heart had hit the floor.

She sighed and then pulled away to get plates, shooting a glare at Van who started to move. "If you are going to treat me like an invalid I'm going to find somewhere to hide until I can get this thing off."

"We'll see what you say when the pain meds wear off." She set a plate in front of Van and then took her own; sipping her wine first. She watched Van pick at it for a moment.

"Any chance you want to give me an injection tonight?"

"Van."

"He bit me, not my fault; I just don't need to get sick because of him."

"Please tell me I get to give you a shot in the ass?" She laughed as Van glared at her, her girlfriend could give an injection without blinking but hated getting them.

"You'll have to make do with my shoulder." Van hissed but took the plate she offered, Toni smiled a little.

She sat opposite her girlfriend and watched Van eat; at least her appetite hadn't been hurt. In a way she was glad Van hadn't been at the hospital, she wasn't sure she could take loosing another person she cared about; the idea of having her hurt was more than enough.

The problem was going to be keeping her girlfriend off that leg. She could try tying her up, but that was just as likely to piss her off. She studied her silently, one good thing was there had been genuine concern in Ralph's voice, she wasn't sure what the fight had been about but the man had been worried for his father; and relieved Van had stepped in.

Van wasn't a scrapper really, but she didn't stand back either and Toni knew she could take care of herself. But something had made her step in to help someone who had threatened her job; and that said something. Toni respected that but it didn't mean what she had to tell her would make her any happier. "You know you ducked Mallory right? He still wants to talk to you."

"I don't want to talk to him and can duck him for a few more days; by then I'm sure something more important will come along. No man wants to remember being defended by a woman." Van popped a bite in her mouth and smiled, she was right and she knew it.

Toni however knew the man a little better. "It could be to your benefit to talk to him Van, don't make him find you."

"What's he going to do? Take my job; he's already thought of that; I don't want to deal with him Toni. I'll have to do it eventually and I'll put it off as long as I can. "Van looked away and she sighed; her partner was stubborn about some things.

"He may just want to say thank you."

"For what not letting him get his ass handed to him? More likely I'll get in trouble for something."

"Yeah avoiding him." Toni wanted to beat her head, she knew how the man worked; right now Van could weasel something out of the man; especially if whatever she'd put her foot in was a threat to the Mallory's.


End file.
